Friday, May 13, 2011

Celebrities Gone Wild: Who's Careers Will Skyrocket When Dead?

Do you recognize that little girl who starred in The Parent Trap?  After Lindsay Lohan is dead, she will be an effective celebrity spokesman in advertising.
In my previous post, I discussed how dead celebrities make excellent advertising spokesmen.  In this post, I have selected three celebrities who probably will make a lot more money after they are dead--and then have really successful careers: Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, and Britney Spears.  This is not to say that I wish them dead, but if they had behaved better their earthly careers would not have imploded and thus would not have to wait until they croak to make a ton of money in advertising.

The above soused star, Lindsay Lohan, is a perfect example.  She was an adorable child actress and star, but once she became legal she thought that she could have it all.  And she has had it all: arrests, public drunkenness, drug abuse, assault charges, shoplifting charges, jail and nude pictorials.  It seems as if she is throwing away a career that many young people would die to have.  She's only 24 years old, but appears to be washed up and a Hollywood has-been.  She has been cast in a few projects that have "changed direction" and dropped her.  She also has been mentioned for some other parts--and has not been given a contract.  That's the kiss of death in Hollywood--to be mentioned all the time for roles and never actually gotten the part.

Here's a report on the washed-up has-been actress, Lindsay Lohan.

What company would hire her to showcase one of their products or services?  Perhaps bail bondsmen, but that is a limited market for a Hollywood "star."  That will all change when she dies and is in the ground.  Then her work will represent her.  She will be remembered for being a sweet child actress, not the drunken, washed up, unemployable adult actress she became while alive.  Then she will be selling all kinds of products--gin, whiskey, rum, beer, cigarettes, and legal services--and her estate will make a bundle of money!

The cash register will 'ca-ching!' when this guy checks out.
Mention the name Charlie Sheen and what comes to mind?  A suitcase full of cocaine?  Porn star girlfriends?  "Winning"; "tiger blood"; "a drug called Charlie Sheen"; and more "Sheen bites."  Someone whom you are terrified of meeting up with in a dark alley?  Bi-polar or insane?  Well, for one reason or another no companies want him to represent them in their advertising.  What could he promote?  Prostitutes?  Drug dealers?  They don't advertise. 

Here's Sheen singing his YouTube hit, "Winning."

Charlie Sheen UNEDITED version of his 20/20 interview.

Is this guy for real, the most original comic ever or completely off his rocker?  Watch the UNEDITED version above and his song "Winning" and send in a comment to this blog if you wish. 

Nonetheless, Charlie Sheen will be more popular when he is dead.  He may live to be 100 but he may croak tomorrow.  What happens when someone dies?  Everyone remembers the good stuff he or she did or said.  There will be nostalgia for Charlie Sheen.  His current episode of wackiness will be remembered fondly, not with horror and derision.  Then the advertisers will come knocking at his estate's door--and he will rake in the cash--and be loved more than ever.  All the other dead celebrities will be jealous of how successful Sheen will become.  He will sell cars, liquor, cigarettes--plus big-ticket items that will rake in big bucks for his heirs.

It's hard to believe that not that long ago, Britney Spears was a hot chick that many people wanted to have sex with.
Britney Spears seems to be making a comeback, but she still lip-syncs her songs in concert, smokes cigarettes, and at 30 her voice may be shot.  Listen to her re-mix of "S & M" with Rhianna in my post on Britney;  her voice sounds weak and not inspired at all when compared to Rhianna.  The days of her big-money advertising days are over.  Yes, she makes money for product placement, but she used to be featured in Super Bowl Pepsi commercials.  But that was before she married that creepy guy and threw her career down the toilet.   

Parody of Britney by Mad TV "Lick My Baby Back Behind"

Nobody will pay her to advertise products.  What image will come to mind?  Britney shaving her head?  Smashing a car window with a baseball bat?  Letting every photographer in Hollywood take pictures of her clean-shaven snatch as she and Paris Hilton (another great role-model for young girls) exited a car?  She could advertise for porn, but she more or less has done that already.  

Parody of "Would You Hold it Against Me?" called "Who's Got No Common Sense? Me!"

But when Britney sings her last note (that's a metaphor, by the way) her career will take off like a rocket.  The Britney we all (well some of us) loved will be back through the magic of video and digital technology.  The bad stuff will be forgotten.  She will then be beloved.  Everybody loves a dead celeb.  Then the Pepsi, Toyota, and other advertising execs will form a line at her crypt to get a piece of the dead version of her.  Then she will make big bucks in advertising.  Then we will forget the pregnant-smoking trailer trash woman Britney turned into the last few years.

In Dead Celebrity Heaven the way we want to remember them: Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen and Britney Spears.

Copyright (C) 2011 Eric Brothers.  All Rights Reserved.

4 comments:

  1. Based on their body of work and the short attention span of the American public, these three "celebrities" will be forgotten and hardly bankable fifteen minutes after they are dead. Which, if s few cases, I hope is soon.

    I think advertisers would tend to latch on to a positive image - like a George Clooney when his earthly time has concluded.

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  2. After they're gone, they should advertise products in keeping with their behavior while alive: Lindsay intoning, "After New Year's Eve, Summer's Eve. The gang, the bang, but still delightfully fresh." Brittany could lip-sync with her labia, "After the wax, tampax." And Charlie, with a porn star on each arm standing in the richly marbled and lavishly appointed foyer of Wall Street's Goldman Sachs, simply says: "Winning." The visuals will be stunning. F5

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  3. The videos are hilarious, and I hope I've added to the hilarity with my own little missive above. But I must say that I take no pleasure in watching young people piss their lives away. These folks are ripe for parody and satire, no doubt about that, but there's something rather tragic about each of them. F5

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  4. yeah right. i was caught in that britney issue. she was a beautiful girl who has gone crazy.. i don't know what happened to her but her life is somehow ruined by just looking at the news. poor celeb

    Sig: Andrew
    Celebrities Who Once Wore Salon Uniforms@custom shirts

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